So on October 19, 2014, 12 days before our third anniversary we decided that for our fifth anniversary we would do a vow renewal. Ever since then I have caught hell from everyone I have told about it. Either its a stupid idea, its a waste of their time, we don't deserve it, or I'm supposedly only doing it because my brother and his LOOOOOOOOOONNNNNGGGGGG time girlfriend are finally getting married. I was so looking forward to this and finally having my dream wedding. But it seems after getting my hopes up I may be cancelling it now and it's just not in the cards for me to have such a happy event of my own.
"I've been married three times before"
Let me tell you about weddings 1, 2, and 3!
Wedding #1
I married a guy I was not in love with, out of pressure from not just him but my family because I had children already. My family pushed me to marry the first person that asked. He also never proposed to me, he and his mom planned a wedding and we were married within 4 months of meeting him. I hated everything about it. A church wedding? Come on! The colors were peach and white, the cake tasted like shit, the reception was horrible with a hundred people I had never met nor heard of. His mom planned the 1980's country wedding she had always wanted. I would make plans she would call and change them. It wasn't my wedding it was hers.
Wedding #2
There was no wedding. We got married at the courthouse after a last minute discussion about how he was too nervous to stand up in front of people and "perform". On Friday the 13th. End of story no wedding so still not my dream wedding.
Wedding #3
After spending $3000 on a caterer, photographer, sending out invitations, planning for a year, and spending 6 months making my dream dress, I had to cancel because my drunk sister-in-law called in a bomb threat and said she was going to show up and shoot anyone that got in her way of trying to stop our wedding. The girl has been arrested for violent crimes involving weapons. I was 4 months pregnant and didn't want to risk it. We did the courthouse bit and had a small reception at my moms with the people who weren't afraid of her. We also didn't get our deposits back on anything.
Now flash forward to now. I am catching hell from so many people I want to give up. I have people telling me I am wasting my time because it's not important, that I am only doing it because so and so just got/ is getting married, that "you don't do it that early, that's not long enough to count", and just plain why bother. I've had people actually tell me that its wrong of me to even bother wasting my money for a stupid show. So what is the point in it?
All I really wanted before I ever got married was to have a wedding the way I wanted it. With the dress I wanted. With the cake I wanted. With my friends and family there for me. But it seems that even this "fake wedding" isn't going to happen. Maybe we should just give it up and accept that it's not something in a long line of somethings I'm not meant to have. What little girl doesn't want to be a princess at least once.
Am I whining yes I am, its my fucking blog and I can if I want to! Go read something else if you don't like it. Because I have said it in past posts there is nobody who understands to talk to about shit around here.
Mom
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