Societal Assumptions

I've noticed that even though more women are standing up against gender assumptions that things are still hard for women to find equal rights.

I'm not feminist in anyway. Ok maybe a small way because I don't want to be called the "little lady" or be expected to "know my place". But I am happy to be a stay at home mom, because in the area I live my husband makes 3 times more than I can with half the education. I also love being home for my children and being the one to take care of them instead of paying for daycare. 18 years ago when I had my first child I was a single mom, I had one year of high school left, and I had to work to support us. Childcare is outrageous! I have come a long way since then and I am happy to be a mom that gets to stay home with her children. In today's society when I say that I am a stay am a SAHM no one questions it, but for a man to say he is a stay at home dad they assume something is wrong with him. They ask why he can't work, is he a drunk, does he have a record that keeps him from working? They can't understand that maybe the mom makes more money than the dad could and with the cost of childcare maybe they can't afford for both of them to work or maybe the wife makes enough that he can stay at home and care for the children. No one thinks twice about a single mom. But if a man raises his children as a single dad the mom must be on drugs or something horrible.

Even how society looks at the way women and men should dress is expected to be in black and white. If a man were to wear makeup he must be gay. But if a woman doesn't wear girl dresses or cuts her hair short then she must be gay also. Society in general likes to see things in black and white with very distinct lines. If you dare to taint those lines with any grey it throws off everything they believe and they PUT you into one or the other.

I have been accused of encouraging sexist views of women by showing women makeup techniques. That is not my intention at all. I think the human form is one of the most beautiful pieces of art the world has. In it's most bare form we are all a unique, beautiful masterpiece of individuality. But beauty sometimes has to shine from within, if a person has an ugly soul no amount of makeup will help them even if they have the most perfect features. Another side to that is that someone who is not comfortable with their appearance can be helped to let their light shine just by helping them to feel pretty. My oldest son has the most beautiful, long, natural, curly hair, he wears it like a lion wears his mane with his head held high and proud. Even on very humid days he rocks it. But I know many women who have the same hair and hate it (myself being one). I straighten my hair chemically because I don't want to deal with the hassle of caring for it. Is it so wrong that I show another woman how to do the same thing so that they feel a little more attractive. My whole life I was called nappy headed. When I look in the mirror at my curly hair all I can think is about those taunts.

Another reason a woman would want to wear makeup is to hide things they don't like others staring at. Scars, birthmarks, any number of things that can very easily be corrected with a little makeup. I have scars from an abusive relationship that I hide under tattoos and makeup. Sometimes some people don't mean to be cruel but it's just human nature to look at them, but when you feel like the world is staring at you all you want to do is hide. If it helps you hold your head up, if it can help you let your inner beauty be seen past what others stare at why is it bad? Sometimes you have those people who like to ask repeatedly about something for no reason other that to make someone feel bad. Sometimes the story is more painful to relive than the scar. Whatever it is there is no reason someone, male or female, can't cover it up.

I am also one who will wear the green and red hair, I love the loud flashy clothes, and the outrageous makeup. I was told as a child that my body was my temple and I want to treat it as such. I want my temple to be beautiful. I want my temple to reflect the bright inside person. I think that if society would just look outside the window of the box they would see the same things I see. Or at least I can hope. When I was younger I had an eating disorder because I had to be thin to be loved. Guys only want thin girls right? Wrong! Men want beauty. A big girl can be just as beautiful as a thin girl if she feels it inside. Most times a larger person is made fun of just for being bigger than what is considered "normal". It has even gotten to a point where that black and white society is coming into play. You have thin people making fun of bigger people and as a defense thin people are made fun of too. "Men need meat, only dogs like bones". I hate this saying. When I got bigger I was made fun of for "letting myself go". I wished that others would have seen inside that super thin person I was. I hated life. I am very happy being a bigger size person. This is the size I am supposed to be.

I just wished that we lived in a society where people saw that life is beautiful just because it is a wonderful thing. Size, shape, color, scars, I love it all. But trying to help someone feel a little more beautiful is not trying to force societal assumptions onto people. Love one another.

Love,
Mom