Superficial

As a woman I feel the pressure from all around me to fit into a mold of slim and trim. So many things putting unrealistic ideals of body shape on us to have a thigh gap or super flat tummy. When I was younger I was very skinny. I did horrible things to be that skinny though, from not eating for weeks on end to sticking a toothbrush halfway down my throat to puke because I had suppressed my gag reflex so much that I had to practically reach into my stomach to pull the food back out. Now as a much older lady I am paying for that ignorance. Bad teeth, bad bones, weak heart, diabetes, and more that makes me think it definitely wasn't worth it to be thin. Anorexia and Bulimia fucked my body up.
I'm almost 40 years old and I've replaced the eating disorders to stay thin with another one to keep from resorting back to those. Finding balance is hard. Now I over eat because of fear that I may not be eating enough. Anything that involves watching portions or measuring things opens up that old window of restricting what I ate to stay thin. Not only do I now over eat, I also have metabolic issues that allow me to gain weight faster and make it harder to lose.


I am about 150 pounds overweight for my height and bone structure. I AM FAT. I hate when people say "oh you're not fat" yes I am. There is a lot of fat on my frame. I am fat. You trying to lie and placate me makes it much more obvious that I am. I mean really, what polite term for fat ass do you wish to use to tell me I'm not fat if I am not? Exactly I know I'm fat. But I am going to try to change this the best I can.

I have a lot a health issues I have to work with as well but I am hoping that losing weight will help me to get some relief from them. Joint inflammation from weak joints being top of that list. They don't tell you that depriving your body of valuable nutrition to be thin also causes arthritis. But it does and being over weight makes it HURT. I will be followed by a therapist, a dietitian, and a trainer to lose weight. But I want to share this with you so that maybe I can help others going through the same thing.

When I had my last child I was 175 pounds after having him. I felt great. I began gaining weight rapidly when he was about 4 months old. Before long I was hitting 250 and still gaining. Now that he is 18 months old I am weighing in at almost 300 pounds. I have gained 125 pounds in just under a year. I've put on the weight of a small adult female...

I have had a shit load of tests ran to see why. There are some metabolic problems that will need to be addressed by my GP. But this is what I need to do to be a better mother and to feel better about myself. Besides home bathroom scales only go up to 300 pounds...

Love,
Mom

Sorry about my messed up pedicure but at my size its not easy to do! I looked forward to reaching my toes again!