My dad died several years ago. 2013 actually. He wanted to be cremated, but his mother had other plans.
She and his sister insisted on an $8,000 viewing and funeral. She even tried to hijack his body.
You might think I'm being a bitch talking about a grieving mother so negatively but let me assure you there was no grief on her part. Not a tear one was shed by her. She hates her children. She's said that the biggest disappointment of her life was the birth of all 4 of her children. She hated us grand children even more so. She's told each of us that we are a burden on her life as she is expected to like us and even act the part of a grandmother.
But she is used to bullying everyone else in my family into giving her way to her. She even throws parties where people can come worship her in order to "win favoritism in her will". Sadly I think I am the only person who knows she has everything being liquidated and used to pay for a lavish funeral for herself.
Now back to my dad's funeral. My father left us with strict instructions to not bury him in her burial plot. He wanted to be cremated and his ashes carried to Hawaii and scattered. He said he wanted no viewing and no services other than a memorial at home or something like that.
His mother had $20,000 life insurance on him and we thought that would cover the $500 cremation costs. Boy were we wrong. His mom told us flat out if we did not at least give her the viewing she wanted to say goodbye she would not fork over no such cost. So against my father's final wishes we arranged a viewing. But that wasn't enough, she insisted on a full religious funeral service for him with her pastor holding fort like the fire and brimstone charlatan that he is.
The son of a bitch even took up an offering in the middle of the funeral. I guess he forgot where he was when his palms started itching.
In the midst of this asshole basically telling us my dad was in hell for living a sin filled life and talking shit that would have had my dad's eyes rolling like a set of billiard balls on a massive break, he decides we should all atone for our sins by doing an altar call for us to come up and be saved. Mind you the only day I have seen my dad in a church was the day we buried my own son.
Now this all required that his body be embalmed and prepared for viewing services. Embalming was one thing my dad was very clear on not wanting done to his dead body. Because of his unexpected death at home and timing problems we were unable to donate his parts like he wanted and now we were being forced to embalm his body against his wishes.
But to top it off the funeral home owner asked me about transportation to the graveyard. I was dumbfounded. I told him that was not the plan. His mother had completely changed everything. So silently in his office we changed it back. Not long after the viewing my father was slipped into the crematory and blasted to dust like he wanted. This enraged my grandmother and her daughter. My aunt seriously tried to start a fist fight with me in the funeral home over it.
The next day while the holy rolling conman was calling for donations to his liquor fund and saving souls everyone was paying their last respects to an empty cremains box because my dad was dancing his last in the oven out back. His ashes were returned in secret to my mother because my grandmother had demanded they be given to her to bury in the plot my dad was dead set on never ending up in.
So by the time this was all done the things she had demanded were up to a total of $7,973.12. That's pretty cheap considering we didn't pay for a coffin. Well its all good cause insurance right? WRONG! His mother pocketed every single dime of it. Then she had her lawyer send me a bill for the cost of the funeral and his legal fees. A grand total of almost $9,000. Why me?
I have one brother who she claimed couldn't pay for it because he was struggling as it is. Hmmmm? This is my fault how?
I have another brother who mooches off my mom like a fat leach and never pays his own child support and has no real bills. Why can't he?
Or better yet why can the cost be split up? OR maybe just maybe why couldn't the insurance cover it like its supposed to???
Well because I refused to give her the attention she wanted, because I stuck to what my dad wanted, because I caught her little plot and foiled it like a professional detective! She's always hated me and she saw my father's death as just another way to add money to her Scrooge McDuck purse!
Me the one with 8 children, the one with a new home mortgage, the one with a mountain of debt from a previous divorce, me the one with real adult issues. I was stuck with the full bill. I found a local lawyer who would offer me a free consultation. He was so disgusted by the acts of this lady that he filled a counter with the court at no costs to me. He stated that the debt had been paid in full by life insurance and that to proceed with this case would amount to insurance fraud.
My grandmother was trying to profit 110% from my dad's death. She knew that I didn't have the money to go to trial and she would win by default and I would be forced to pay in increments to her that would include interests. So how grieving could she be that she was able to scheme out such a scam?
This has been weighing heavy on my mind. As I try to figure out how there are so many people on this earth who can rip someone off. How they can enter into deals knowing full well that in the end they will be claiming to not be happy with the whole thing and want their money back but not to return everything they ordered. How people can knowingly take advantage of people when they are already down? How people can demand more from people who are already giving them everything they can?
Because mothers can profit from their own child's sudden death and not blink and eye.
There's a saying that everyone gets wrong, "Blood is thicker than water". They assume that it means family should stick together no matter what over friends. But the actual saying is "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the waters of the womb". Meaning that the bonds you form in life are tighter than the bonds you are given at birth by genetics.
I've come to realize my family expects things without the actual effort to earn them just because we share the same eye color. But my friends are the ones who are there for me with exactly what I need. The kind "I like your weirdness" or the stern "shut up and handle your shit" when I really need it. They love me for who I am not some imaginary debt they think I owe them because we came from the same crack whore.
Remember who does what for you and repay them accordingly!
Love,
Mom
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