I Lied on my Driver's LicenseI

You know we all lie on our weight on there. We flub a few pounds lighter than we actually are. I think the only time I lie about being heavier than I actually am is when I am flying. Then I tell them I am 400 pounds of I like to eat everything! You know they ask that question because they have to judge how much fuel the plane needs to carry the weigh of the people on board. But this time I renewed my license thinking I was weighing almost 300 pounds so I told them I weighed 260 pounds. Well today I weighed in for the month and I am 239 lb!!! Holy crap go me!

Today is my daughter's 13th birthday!

I hear a lot of people on either side of the abortion argument. Many of these people are so uninformed they don't know half the shit they are talking about. They spew the same shit they have been told by idiots who don't even have the medical knowledge to put a band-aid on a scratch. Many of them think that an abortion is murder of an unwanted baby. But in reality many pregnancies are terminated early and the baby survives. There are many reasons this is done with the hopes that the baby lives.

For whatever medical reasons the pregnancy is very wanted and the baby loved but things happen that cause it to have to end. Either the mother is dying or the baby is in danger of dying. This is my story of my abortion of my very wanted baby.

Superficial

As a woman I feel the pressure from all around me to fit into a mold of slim and trim. So many things putting unrealistic ideals of body shape on us to have a thigh gap or super flat tummy. When I was younger I was very skinny. I did horrible things to be that skinny though, from not eating for weeks on end to sticking a toothbrush halfway down my throat to puke because I had suppressed my gag reflex so much that I had to practically reach into my stomach to pull the food back out. Now as a much older lady I am paying for that ignorance. Bad teeth, bad bones, weak heart, diabetes, and more that makes me think it definitely wasn't worth it to be thin. Anorexia and Bulimia fucked my body up.

The Empty Stocking

Many times each year I sit and listen to my children complain about the candy in their stockings, or fight over who got more. Many times they snatch them down and attack them like rabid dogs, not once giving a care to the time and effort I put into filling them.

I don't mind it really. Hung among theirs is one lone stocking that gets hung and never filled. It is always there but never noticed. Maybe since its been there their whole lives it never really crosses their minds that its even there. But it hangs there. Alone. Empty. That stocking makes me the saddest and I never really share why.

This one hung for three years with simple chocolates in it and textured toys, items that made noises when you moved them. This stocking did not hang on its fourth year. I held it for a few hours deciding if I should or not. In the end it was just too sad to hang it and it went away with the ornaments that didn't get hung that year.

For years to come I decided that stocking needed to hang, if only as a reminder of why it doesn't bother me for the kids to treat theirs the way they do. Why their excitement is ok. It is a reminder that one day those stocking could be hung empty. That one day their owners may not be there to attack them like pirates after loot.

That stocking belongs to my child who passed away when he was 3.

Remember that when you become over stressed about the holidays, or your kids would rather play with the boxes than the awesome remote controlled car with the flashy lights. Sit back and take it all in and think about how much those memories would mean to you if they were all you had left. Be kind, be loved, be loving.

Most of all breath.

Love,
Mom

Product Review! Lilla Rose

So it's been a while since I have done this. I've just been hiding under a rock. Not doing my hair or dressing up! LOL! But these hair clips are amazing. I was asked to give them a try and really looking at the design I thought they were going to suck. I thought I was going to have to keep fighting it to stay closed or to get it to stay in my hair. I was sent two clips to review. A regular size and their mini size. My hair is really short right now. (I has hair cut regrets! :S )

Lipstick and Lesbians

So the news has hundreds of different things on about "Gay Rights" lately. From people refusing to issue marriage license to same sex couples to gay pride parades from both sides of the fence. What I don't get is who the fuck gave these assholes the "right" to say that another human being doesn't have rights?

Being the Other Woman

My husband is going to make a baby with another woman and I am completely ok with it. I guess not many women would be as happy as I am that my husband produced a child with someone other than them and actually still love them. I am though, I am completely at peace with it.